Dear Friends,
I am often late for things. I'm not sure why this is, but I'm going to change it. Time is not a "freebie" anymore, in my own head, and I'm ready for things to be different.
This change will be about switching my mindset and these are the toughest things. In the mornings, I have a ritual that I do. I won't bore you with the details, but it does involve doing things to jump start my brain. In fact, I think I discussed this in at least one previous blog, but again, I won't bore you because if I did, it would, no doubt, be embarrassing for me.
My ritual is a pretty dumb one. I own it but I'm not sure I am quite ready to cop to it. It involves a series of games. Fuck. I've said too much.
Anyway, I don't need to do all the games in order or anything anymore. I give myself permission to break free of the shackles of my servitude to the button. I will get up, get going, and be places in a timely fashion. I will.
Affirmations are good for people like me with mild OCD. I'm going to call my obsessive compulsive disorder mild because I've never been diagnosed, but I do believe I come from a family of OCD sufferers on my mom's side. We don't talk about it, really, but we all seem to exhibit symptoms.
Early on in my life, I would play games that I created obsessively. I would often do this to avoid thinking about things that brought me down. It was a nice little construct I had going and it has carried over to my adult life. I have my little rituals and they keep me safe.
But not really. I keep me safe. My rituals are just time suckers and I'm giving them up. I keep myself safe now by dealing with things head on and figuring out the best solutions. That's why I am ready to shed my compulsive skin.
Feels good to write about it and I'm really sick of being embarrassed because I'm late to things I have no good reason to be late for on a regular basis. I simply do not motivate myself properly to embrace the concept of 60 seconds per minute and 60 minutes per hour.
It's time to go!
See you soon.
Are you distracted by this? I am.
My morning brain kickstart involves Minesweeper, at least one winning game of a hard version of solitaire (Canfield, 40 Thieves, Scorpion, etc.), and reading this blog.