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Entry date: 10-1-2022 - Change is inevitable - Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

The only inevitable thing in life is change, right? It comes when you least expect it sometimes and it can level you with just a few words. Right now, I am on the "not thankful" for change side of the equation.

My current job, which I love, is ending. The enrollment at the online school I work at is too low to justify having me stay on as music teacher. I get it. I understand the decision behind it, but I also hate it.

Admittedly, my job has been super cushy. I am really bummed that I won't get to work from home anymore and I'm equally bummed that it will mean having to spend more time with shoes and socks on. I've grown pretty fond of scooting around the house in flip flops or slippers. I'm also going to have to wear long pants. Yay.

I don't know where my new position is going to be yet. Luckily, the school network (we don't call charter schools districts) has a lot of openings. At some point this week I will have a new job and a new work home. I'm lucky in that teachers are in demand, too, and if I don't like my new home, I can start looking for a whole new employer.

These are just part of what I am most bummed out about, though.

I really like the students I have been working with and it breaks my heart to know that not only will I not get to see them again, most likely, they won't have music class anymore. I have a handful of students who really love music and are greatly benefitting from access to it. For them, this move totally sucks and will drain some of their joy for school away.

We live in a world that is often full of disappointments. It sucks that enrollment is so low. A lot of these kids are really thriving with the online school and if it goes away completely, it will be a huge bummer for them. To yank the music program and, at very least, one other special from them, is a lot to do after a whole quarter of the year.

I have formed a bond with several of the students that I really enjoy. There are some little characters out there that I had hoped to work with all year. Hell, I wanted this job to be my forever job, if it could be that, at least until time for us to consider being in Maine full-time. Even then, working where I work for the next week, could work in Maine, too.

Fucking hell!

I have been laid off several times in the past and even though I will not miss any paychecks and probably come out financially at least a little ahead after this, it still kind of feels like a lay off. No one likes to be told they are not wanted, even when the circumstances are very clear. There is certain hollowness that rings through this feeling.

The first time it happened to me, I was devastated. I really liked what I was doing and believed we were building something great. I also got to travel to New Hampshire monthly for that job and I loved doing that, even though I missed Rhondi and the kids fiercely while I was gone. When they closed the Phoenix call center I was running, I was lost. I had always left previous jobs on my own terms, for the most part, or had time to find a good landing spot because funding had run out (first go around with Casa).

The next three times I was laid off, I just chalked it up to the economy and the industry I was in. Call centers are shitty for a reason. I don’t mind doing the work and enjoyed all my positions because of the people I worked with, but the nature of the game is pretty tough. Clients are fickle and when clients flee, jobs go away.

This one stings.

I now have to second guess my decision to take this job over the opportunities I had back in March and April. I wrote about the crossroads I was facing back then and here I am again. Right now, it is a matter of thinking about the devil I know and what may be behind doors number two and three.

I can easily go back to the school I was at last year if I want to do so. It’s the devil I know and there are some good people on the staff. I also know the principal and enjoy working for her, but they don’t have a music position. I’d like to have a full year to teach music. I have yet to get that.

There are a couple of open music jobs, but they are farther away than last year’s school. I would rather not have a commute, especially since gas is not getting any cheaper. We shall see, I suppose, how the people in charge decide to take care of me.

The message sent by fuckery will be met with my new “Fuck around and find out” mantra. The worst thing they can say is “no,” I suppose, so I should ask for what I want. I have had the best job they offer for teachers, and I want more of that. Once you get a taste of the good stuff, it is very hard to go back.

Ah, change. It’s good, I suppose, to be able to write about it and work my way through this on the page. Whatever is to come will be all right. It has to be, I suppose, because the alternative is not acceptable.

See you tomorrow.

This sky didn't last either.

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