We were somewhat social this weekend and it felt nice. Rhondi has been recuperating from surgery as of late and it was nice to see her enjoying herself among friends. We are very fortunate to have great friends.
The holidays bring out a fun side of people, I think, and it felt good to soak up some of that after the heaviness I have felt the last few days. All of the heaviness was self-imposed, of course, and necessary, but still.
I had this habit, from a very early age, of getting into romantic situations that I would grow weary of very quickly. What I didn't know how to do was extricate myself when I was ready to bounce. This led, I think, to me following a pattern I had seen growing up from my mom where she went from one relationship to another.
In my life, I have known my dad to be in two relationships and my mom to be in a bit more than that. I guess I followed her lead and would just sort of go from one to another and not really let one end before another had begun. This ended up hurting a lot of people and they regret it.
Before meeting Rhondi, I always saw romantic relationships as temporary arrangements. Even with my ex-wife, deep down, I knew that was not going to be forever. I have written here about this feeling and walking around our apartment complex the night before our wedding wondering why the fuck I was doing.
I didn't have that feeling with Rhondi, but when things got tough for us and for me, I looked elsewhere like I always had before and it almost killed me. There is nothing I am more thankful for than the second chance she gave me.
It seems so foreign to me now to think of how close to the brink we came, especially when I compare it to the feeling of being whole I have in my heart thanks to her and the kids. When you sprinkle our amazing and supportive friends and extended family on top, I just can't help but feel thankful and lucky. We are beyond blessed.
One of these days I will chronicle the funny and self-deprecating stories of my former love life. I will change names, of course, and disguise them in works of fiction, but just know, dear reader, that I will be exercising some demons as I laugh at my own often clueless foibles.
Prior to meeting Rhondi, I must have had a mark on me that showed itself loud and proud to women who were looking for a stooge. Not that I am a victim. No. But I was an idiot, for sure.
The two things, idiot and victim, are not interchangeable and I am only using them to speak of myself. Many other have found themselves to be in terrible relationships and I would never discount what someone else had gone through or felt.
I went through considerable hell to find my wife, but a lot of times, I was the cartographer, too. I could see the map I was busy drawing but wouldn't do the work on myself to make the maps better. Then Rhondi showed me the way to make a better map. She's good like that.
Safely tucked back into my living room, I am warm and tired and ready for a nice long night of sleeping. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even be sleeping in tomorrow (today…it’s late). I’m watching the Suns game. I already know they won because I looked it up while we were at the second party of the evening. I keep doing the math as the game progresses and thinking things like, “Damn. From this point forward, the Pelicans score more than the Suns” or vice versa.
Right now, the Suns are going to outscore the Pelicans by about 13 for the rest of the game, so I’m interested in watching. I like to see them doing well against this opponent. What self-respecting Suns fans doesn’t want to see our new rivals go down.
I’m excited to see Devin Booker go off over the last three quarters, too. He dropped 58 points in this game. That’s pretty fucking rad. At the moment, he’s got about 45 to go. That’s a busy night, for sure.
I doubt I will make it through to the end tonight. I am tired. We had a nice time visiting friends and it was a busy day. I will enjoy putting my head on the pillow that is probably going to be nice and warm thanks to Bailey. She’s a good pillow warmer.
Earlier tonight (Saturday night), I got a strong urge to get back to the Bukake Culkin story. I think the world might be closer to hearing the band after a discussion that took place at the second party. Fake news, or something like that.
That’s the story, if you don’t recall, about the noisy hardcore band from Phoenix. I started writing their biography earlier this year. It’s connected to the Noisy World story and I am excited to work on that stuff again sooner than later.
I am not going to be able to focus on anything other than The Trees for a while, though. The story is really ready to take off. Winter break will help get that going again. I can sit and focus and just write for a few days. Now that I put that in writing, I am probably cursed and won’t get to write, but we shall see.
Booker is still 43 points away from getting his 58 and the Pelicans are up by a bunch. Should be a good second half. I’m sure I could just read about it now on one of the local websites. I like Arizona Sports a lot. They do a good job of covering things here in town. I like the style of their writers, too. Good stuff, Maynard.
Hope the weekend was a good one for you.
See you tomorrow.
They say a picture is worth a 1000 words.