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Entry date: 12-19-2023 – Too for Tuesday – Letters for My Friends

Dear Friends,

 

The world of Cocaine Baby took a turn yesterday. Sadly, we are getting to a point where this just isn’t going to end well for him if he doesn’t get some help. Apparently, his father is up to old shenanigans where he says everything right but doesn’t follow through on anything to ever really get him the support and therapy he needs.

 

He earned himself three days of in school suspension yesterday for exposing himself to three younger students in the bathroom.

 

Yes. You read that right.

 

I’d like to call the cops but I’m very torn about that idea. I also don’t think my administrative team would back me on that play. I don’t think they see what happened as sexual abuse. If things continue, though, he’s going to hurt someone, or someone is going to hurt him.

 

There is this weird reset button with him that sort of starts everything over each week. He came in a good mood but lost his mind in the bathroom. The little dudes who saw his “act” came to my classroom and told me what happened. It turned my stomach and I’m not easily grossed out.

 

Fucked up Monday.

 

*****

 

On a good note, I’m teaching poetry this week and it is so fun. I have some talented little writers in my class.  They really seem to enjoy it, too. Well, many of them do. Several of them grumbled a bit, but everybody turned in something with thought behind it or a good sense of humor.

 

*****

 

About the time you lost your mind.

Is there anything pleasant to say?

Sometimes the steely words

are so sharp.

I wish I could crawl inside your mind

and see your sharpener.

Is it a strap?

Do the words make a sound

when you sharpen them?

Do they cry?

 

Inwardly I wince.

Outwardly I shout epithets

of self-doubt.

Insults

and

less than friendly thoughts

sustain the blood flow.

I wish I could crawl inside your body

and feel your heart.

 

But it’s not you.

It’s not even me.

Breathe. Repeat. Flip through the pages

and make a stand.

Slip through the cracks,

I understand.

I plan to be somewhere soon.

I wish I could crawl inside your trunk

and sleep there while you drive.

 

*****

 

Other than Cocaine Baby, though, it was a fairly good day yesterday. Plans changed but I’m neither surprised nor terribly disappointed. The world has a way of revolving sometimes that shows you a lot if you just sit back, look, and listen. The world was talking to me yesterday, that’s for sure. Let’s see what it has to say about today.

 

See you tomorrow.



He was maybe two days old here. Three at the most. It melts my heart to look at this picture. You look at someone who you just barely met and know that you will love them forever in those first moments of being a parent. I love being Liam's dad. I love being Dad to all the kids, but each of us have a different relationship. I just want those relationships to grow and grow and be what each of them needs. I have everything I need, but what they need is the most important thing.


It's weird to realize how a picture can change your mood. I was feeling pretty dark, thinking about a fucked up Monday and how the Cocaine Baby loses his mind so easily. It's such a bummer and then, boom! Here is your little Baby Man when you were on top of the world with love and pride and the excitement of finding out who he will be.

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