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Entry date: 12-22-2023 – First Day of Break – Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

 

I was looking at the list of topics from last year and it was interesting to me that a year ago today I was writing school stuff. When I’m not sure what I want to write about, I sometimes look at what I was writing about a year prior. I kept an excel spreadsheet of every day’s main topic last year.

 

This year, I haven’t done that. I’m sure I will someday regret that when I try and find things I wrote this year to add to them or edit them or just laugh at them. Who fucking knows what I will do with them. I don’t.

 

I’m on vacation.

 

That’s the main thing for me on this fine day. First day of vacation and hell to the yes. As my students would say, “Let’s go!”

 

***** 

 

I’ve been hitting the cookie crackpipe.

 

The holidays are definitely here when it comes to what I’ve been eating. My body will go into shock for a bit after New Years when I cut off the sugar again. I always feel so much better when I just avoid sugar completely.

 

The cookie crackpipe is powerful, though. Maybe not as powerful as the ice cream crackpipe, at least for me, but powerful just the same. I have leftovers from my baking last week, as well as some from the J’s house. A nice, fat stash.

 

Well, not as fat as it once was. I’ve had a few samples here and there. The cookie crackpipe will sneak up on you.

 

*****

 

More Confessions of the Cookie Crackpipe

There is no trail of tears.

Just crumbs.

And realization.

Then excuse making.

Then thoughts of future gastric distress.

 

HIT THAT PIPE

TAKE THE COOKIE.

 

It shouts.

 

fuckin’ cookie crackpipe.

It’s got me down.

Monkey on the back, down.

Down to the ground, down.

Cookie

Crack

Pipe.

 

Cookie

Crack

Pipe.

 

Swallow the cookie.

Shame swallow.

Hollow swallow

Knowing another one

Is next.

And another.

 

Even if there are no more cookies –

 

There are still cookies.

 

Next day cookies.

Lay awake cookies.

Playing hooky cookies

Because you feel so damn bad

About who you

Are

And no one should

See you.

 

Cookies.

 

Cookie

Crack

Pipe.

 

Cookie

Crack

Pipe

And

I

Don’t

Care.

 

HIT THAT PIPE AGAIN.

 

*****

 

That was kind of fun.

 

*****

 

I was thinking about why I value people the other day. It’s often little things that really get me. Tiny imprints people make on the world that might even go unnoticed by the majority. The way kind words are weaved, forgiveness granted, or even just a well-formed pun can be a real thrill.

 

There are also the basics, too, like respect and trust and being cool. Those things are non-negotiable at this point. I’ll be nice to people who don’t measure up, no problem, but I’m not going out of my way for them. If I can help someone have a better day, then why not do it? But…

 

There is always a “But.”

 

But I can only really help people who are open to being helped. Some people don’t even know that people want to help them. It’s sad. They just can’t see it.

 

*****  

 

I saw a look of desperation on the Cocaine Baby’s face yesterday when he left school. He hit one of his classmates today in PE and was asked to leave for the day by administration. It’s obvious now, though, that the kid is in full-on crisis. I can’t worry about him over this break. I won’t, but I’ll be silently rooting for him.

 

First day of break. I kind of miss the little fuckers, but I also kind of don’t.

 

See you tomorrow.



Back in 2017, there was some sort of photo challenge going around the F book. This was one of the pictures.


I was working for these evil fuckers at the time. I needed a lot of distractions. People are really weird sometimes. I think I just got another idea for a story.

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