In anticipation of Cocaine Baby’s return, I am steeling my nerves this fine December morning.
Who will walk in my door today? Will it be the kid who was trying really hard to be better two weeks ago or the first version I met back in September? Maybe it will be an even better version? Maybe he got to spend some good family time the last two weeks and will be feeling good about himself.
I hope it’s a good version of Cocaine Baby. Perhaps even the Disney version for a few days.
I feel like I’m all hopped on Disney right now after reading the Stamos book. What an interesting thing, the whole Disney identification trip. That sounds worse than I mean it. All our lives are trips. We are on a journey whether we never leave home base.
What would the Disney version of Cocaine Baby be like, I wonder. Perhaps he would be “drug baby” or have a name like “Dylan.” A young Luke Perry could have played him. Fucking hell. I’ve gone 90210 instead of 92802.
Mouse Ears Presents: Cocaine Baby
I am picturing a graphic novel where it is presented like it is a 70s Disney comic book. They had those back then with Goofy and Mickey and the gang. I think I had an issue of Goofy at some point. The fonts were kind of big and (dumb looking) easy to read and the art was just a click south of psychedelic if you were sufficiently enticed.
I think my buddy, James, would know how to make it look bitchin’. The first issue could be “Cocaine Baby Vs. The B(L)each Boys” and the hilarity would go on from there. It could end with Cocaine Baby and Mike Hate either walking off into the sunset hand in hand or dueling at 20 paces.
Issue two would be called, “Best of Cocaine Baby” and show images from the first comic horribly reimagined in the way only James could do. No pressure, James. It would be rad, though. Even the dialogue would be similar but just fucked up.
Issue three would move on to Cocaine Baby: The Silent Musical. Cocaine Baby and his classmates would not say a word, but their thought bubbles would make fucked up songs. Something like:
Cocaine Baby: This Wait No What
Can’t Concentrate Because Someone Told Me I’m Cute: Look at me, look at me
Cocaine: This Wait No Who
Destined to Cry At Emotional Scenes In A Good Way: I like to feel what I feel and I makes me feel free.
All together: We Love No Wait What
You could have the Melvinia’s playing in the background. This would be the Melvins in drag, of course. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Issue four is something I haven’t been able to quite nail down yet. Cocaine Baby fails to commit might be the play here. This could go a lot of different directions, or it could go nowhere at all.
Happy Monday everybody. I’m ready now, I think. Go forth and make your own great day.
See you tomorrow.
On a dark desert evening, no fucking wind in my hair. The warm smell of a centipede was rising up through the air. Fuck the Eagles.