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Entry date: 3-2-2023 - Whoa (and Mary) - Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

After just a little bit of Kevin Durant in a Suns uniform, I have to say I like it. The man is so smooth. He's going to score a lot and the other players are going to get a lot more opportunities.

I wonder if the Suns will get more respect from the officials now?


Mary's eyes followed the blades of the phantom fan as it slowed. Seconds passed.



Two minutes.

She didn't realize the blades had stopped moving for a full five minutes and thirty nine seconds.

Mary was completely calm when she realized that she was standing there staring at the fan and it dawned on her that it had stopped. There was an odd buzzy feeling in the sole of her left foot. It wasn't quite pain, but it was very uncomfortable.

She stole another look at the fan, which was motionless like it's two, better behaved, identical siblings and turned back to the flowerbed.

The odd feeling in her foot captured her attention again. She decided to move over to the lounge chair on the porch next to the sofa and check it out. Mary sat down and removed her left gardening boot.

She noticed there was a ball of goo on the bottom of her boot and remembered bringing the boot down on the egg sack several minutes ago.

Damn, she thought. It seemed like it had been an hour or more since she stomped on the baby spiders and it had only been a little more than five minutes. Clearly she needed a vacation. Spring break couldn't get here soon enough.

It was almost like her foot was asleep, but that didn't seem right. It felt more alive than asleep and Mary felt something even stranger than what was coming from her foot creep into her mind. She was scared to take off her sock.

Mary slowly started the peel the ankle sock over her foot. As she did, her foot was suddenly aflame with the sting of a thousand fiery needles. Mary shrieked.

Crumpled up in the middle of her foot was a full grown black widow spider.

For a split second, Mary imagined the spider was speaking to her.

"You killed my babies, but it's going to kill you."

Mary blinked hard as if to see if she was really seeing what she was seeing. The black widow was still there. It moved one spindly, angular leg and dragged the tip across the bottom of Mary's foot about a half an inch.

"The best part, my dear," the spider whispered in Mary's head.

"It's going to kill you slowly."

Mary brought her right fist sharply into the bottom of her foot, crushing yet another spider on that afternoon. The pain in her foot immediately subsided.

She also felt a slight breeze on her shoulder and turned her head to look at the fan. Spinning in it's place was the black widow she had just crushed but it was now about 50x larger.

Mary screamed again.

(to be continued)


See you tomorrow.

Fucking Jabberjaw.

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