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Entry date: 4-13-2023 - The Struggle of Being Me (us, we, you) - Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

I’d love to say “What a difference a day makes” but that would be a lie. There is something in the water, I think, or the air, or the sky, or just an evil that is taking over ten year olds everywhere. I had seven kids in my classroom during lunch today because they could not control their mouths.

I’ve written it before and I’ll write it again. I am certain that some of my students could not stay quiet if their lives depended on it. It speaks volumes about the situation we are in the world today.

Self-control is one of the biggest parts of emotional intelligence. I happen to think that humans, as a species, struggle with it in one form or another. Maybe some of the Zen masters and ninjas and people like the Dalai Lama have mastered it, but even then I’m guessing they still have things that they just can’t quite master.

I can be pretty good about a lot of things that are destructive, but it is still a struggle. Part of the reason I have not been drinking during 2023 is that I was not controlling it well for the past few years. I got pretty obsessed with beer and spent way too much time thinking about it, drinking it, and shopping for it. I’d like to think I am someone who doesn’t have a drinking problem, but the fact of the matter is, if I let myself get out of control with the booze, it becomes a problem for me.

I don’t want to be a functioning alcoholic and I fear that is what I became last year. Moderation is a good thing and I hope I can be more moderate if and when I start to drink again. Just sometimes, it gets the best of me and I don't like that feeling at all.

I wasn’t planning on writing those words today, but as I start to talk about my students self-control issues, I should really talk about my own. Many of my own peccadillos are not dangerous to me, outside of stopping me from accomplishing or creating more things, but I battle with my brain all the time. I know how hard it is for me, each and every day, to keep myself on a good path.

I want my students to not have those struggles, but maybe, as I mentioned earlier, this is human nature 101. We struggle with desire. We struggle with our attention span. We struggle with wanting to feel some things and not feel others.

This is a lot to process and I clearly need to continue this dialogue.

I will see you tomorrow.

Ps…The Bet will be back, too.

Liam's face is priceless.

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