Dear Friends,
Peace to those who are hurting today. I remember what happened 23 years ago way too well. I know I am not alone in my grief on this day.
*****
I’ve had a fairly singular focus the last couple of days as you might have surmised. It’s hard to focus on much else right now. The power of grief is strong.
This year has been very tough. I’ve written way too much about death over the past five or six months and, sadly, I don’t think I’m probably done. I’m certainly not done writing about Doug.
Last night, it occurred that for years I’ve been wanting to be more like him. He can still teach me things now, too, which gives me a good feeling. What I realized, though, was that asking myself “What would Doug do?” is a wonderful option to help me as I move forward.
There were so many things that I would ask him about in the past that I can’t now. I know I have other options, and I will use them, but he made it so easy for me to have tough conversations. He was just a great guy like that.
He was also tired. I’m so glad for him that he doesn’t have to deal with some of the things he had to deal with in the last several years. Life after bladder cancer and massive surgeries to one’s bowels is no picnic. Being a paraplegic is no picnic, either, but he faced life with a sturdy chin most days.
I just admired Doug so much, but I know that this was his time. I accept it…but yesterday, there was some personal bitterness about it. When they say that anger is part of grief, they aren’t lying. I’m not mad at anyone but I’m mad that I won’t have another conversation with him. I won’t get to walk into the condo and see him out on the porch reading a book and drinking a beer.
Fucking grief.
*****
I watched the debate, but only sort of. My only real comment that I can make right now is that I wish I could talk about it with Doug. That would have been a conversation that I would have liked to have had.
We watched the Biden/Trump debate together and had a pretty long talk about it. I will definitely miss those talks. He’s probably skiing now, though, if there is such a place as heaven and hopefully doesn’t care at all about politicians any more. I certainly hope that that sort of things doesn’t pierce the veil.
*****
When Lou Reed put out New York in 1989, I picked up the CD and fell in love. It galls me so much when people talk shit about that record. I fucking love it and here’s why.
I’m pretty certain that Lou Reed couldn’t give two shits about whether or not anyone liked him or his records. That much was obvious. It’s obvious in his lyrics, too. New York is full of statements about the world and his city. New York, that were biting, sardonic, and in many cases, beautiful, too.
At the time when New York came out, I was having this mad love affair with New York City even though I had yet to go there. I had the most romantic notion of the Big Apple, so listening to the recording made me feel like I got a hearty glimpse of Reed’s New York. I would have loved to have had a chance to be part of that world for even a few minutes.
Like I said, it was a very romantic notion based on listening to music, watching movies, and reading books about the things that happened there or many fictional accounts. Reed was a master painter when it came to his portraits and landscapes of New York. I love the soundtrack he created with the record.
Sure, in New York, Reed didn’t really sing, but who cares? I certainly don’t. I love his sort of talk/singing on the record (which I have on vinyl, too) and have zero issues. As usual, his guitar playing is top notch, too. The fourteen tracks are all interesting and well worth the listen.
I do have my favorites.
“Romeo Had Juliette” kicks things off and I’ve loved the lyrics to that one for the last 35 years. “A diamond crucifix in his ear is used to help ward off the fear that he has left his soul in someone’s rented car” is a line that I’ve always loved. The song is so visual, but that’s the way this record is across the board.
The first song was a song that I listened to over and over again and put on many mixed tapes, especially if I was trying to be romantic. It seems like a sort of love letter to being young and crazy and in love in NYC. I dig it.
“Halloween Parade” is another great song and it’s the second one on the record. I like it because you can see this Halloween celebration and remembrance of old friends happening right in front of you if you just let the words wash over you. The fun doesn’t stop there, though.
“Dirty Blvd.” keeps the train rolling strong. Reed’s New York can be a bleak place, at times, on the record and this one is a perfect example of this. “I Want to fly…fly, fly away.”
Like many of the records I love, I could write about each song on New York. This record has been of great comfort to me many times. Maybe this is because I always hoped that Reed was some sort of long, lost uncle.
“Busload of Faith” is another favorite. So is “Hold On” and “Dime Store Mystery.” There is a lot of politics on New York, but I’m fine with it. Reed didn’t mind sharing his feelings or opinions about the world around him. I have always enjoyed that even if I didn’t always agree. I feel like Reed was pretty honest about his view of the world by the time New York came out.
I can’t imagine not listening to New York at any point in whatever amount of life I have left. It’s a go-to record for me. I can count on it. Easily top-50 and maybe top-25, but I don’t make those kind of lists.
Maybe I should, but at least I know that Reed wouldn’t care either way. I’m very okay with that.
*****
See you tomorrow.
AI meet Lou. I wonder what Lou would have thought about AI.
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