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Entry date: 1-13-2022 - Random thoughts - Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

With all the thought I’ve been putting into booze lately, it occurred to me that yesterday’s post did not contain the biggest thing that is scaring me when it comes to drinking. For the first time in my life, maybe ever, I’ve felt like alcohol was winning.

By winning, I mean that when I drink, there have been far too many times in the past couple of years where I don’t remember conversations I had while seemingly perfectly awake. This could be related to the stress of living in wildly uncertain times (pandemic, several months of separation from my wife due to her taking care of my father-in-law and finishing grad school) and the fact that I almost always pair my alcohol intake with cannabis intake, or it could be that I’m just not able to handle my booze the way I used to handle it.

I also love whisky (whiskey if you prefer to spell it that way and yes, I know there is a distinction). I drink it way more, especially at the end of a long night of socializing, than I used to drink it. Scotch is a passion I’ve developed, largely because of my father-in-law, and I do enjoy it quite a bit. I don’t think I over do it, for the most part. That goes to beer and I especially don’t like the wicked hangover that can come from too much whisky, whiskey, or scotch (and yes, I know that scotch is whisky). I’ve learned my limits, for sure, and mostly during trips to Maine where sometimes the scotch or whisky just tastes so good when sitting on the deck or in front of a fire.

Alcohol does seem to win more, though, the older I get. I hate that I have forgotten whole conversations. I wonder how many promises I have made that I haven’t fulfilled or worse that someone talking to me just thinks, “Oh, well. He’s drunk.”

That’s what keeps me up at night. I’m missing parts of my life that I can’t ever get back. I can have just as much fun sober or keeping myself to two or three beers over the course of the day/night. I didn’t drink until we got on stage the other night at the Crescent after being there all day, basically from 1pm to 10pm and I was fine. Didn’t miss it at all, really.

Maybe it is really all about just learning to pace 52-year-old me. I’m not the same guy I used to be, and it is hard, in some ways, to admit. In other ways, I’m so proud of who I am now. I’m so proud that I am not the same guy I was 10-12 years ago. That guy was a dick and, looking back, alcohol played a role but so did fear and ego. (that’s a whole ‘nother story or five)

I guess I also have to put out there that I’m not down on what anyone does or decides when it comes to drinking or doing drugs, although I have zero tolerance for meth or heroin. Those two drugs, along with cocaine, suck the soul right out of people. If people want to do other things, though, who am I to say? I’ll dive into those stories at some point, too.

Enough booze talk. I’ve got things to figure out and I’ll figure them out.

*****

So, An Officer and a Gentleman just came on and I have to admit, since I’m admitting things, that I love this movie. I’m not exactly sure why because I’m not the biggest Richard Gere fan, but he is great in AOaaG. Debra Winger is also really good in it and Lou Gossett Jr is also fantastic. David Keith as the buddy (sorry if there are spoilers here) is also great and his story line was one that stuck with me after I first saw it in 1982 when I was on the cusp of being a teenager.

I think it was the bass player in the band at the party on the base when Gere and Winger first meet that really sold me. He was singing “Tie A Yellow Ribbon (‘Round the Old Oak Tree)” like a boss. This was before I knew about JFA, so perhaps I should give that guy credit for making me want to play bass and not Michael C.?

There was also the scene where Gere and Keith meet the gals at a bar in town and Gere ends up kicking the town bully’s ass. I love that part to this day even though I know that today, that situation would end up with guns being drawn and someone getting shot. Violence does not solve problems, even when ZZ Top is playing in the background. “He broke his nose, man!” and “You assholes” are two of the best throwaway lines in the film.

I’ve seen the movie I don’t know how many times and I still enjoy it tremendously. It’s not a guilty pleasure, either. I’m outing myself here and now as an old school rom-drama fan. Totally sucked in, once again, as I type this out.

*****

Field trip tomorrow. Taking 200 students and parents to the Arizona Science Center. My class had a great deal of volunteers, so I should be able to bounce around to each group and spend time getting to know parents a bit better and enjoy the kids enjoying the center as we learn about science. Should be a very interesting day, for sure.

I haven’t been there for a few years. I attended a meeting there several years ago related to trauma informed care. I also went there with Liam and Teresa when they were younger. That was a really fun day and the kids enjoyed learning about the human body quite a bit. I expect my 2nd graders will be similar and it will give us a lot to talk about for the rest of the year. I have to remember to take a lot of pictures.

See you tomorrow!


https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7KZpGxX2pDiB7UBXx6lpQB?si=76a2abe921dc4927


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