Entry date: 6-21-2023 – Two Wrongs and Such – Letters to My Friends

Dear Friends,

This morning I have been thinking about the old adage, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” I think I have been thinking about this all wrong. While I agree that two wrongs do not make a right, it occurred to me just now that I haven’t been thinking about how those wrong things we would like to do when someone wrongs us are still very impactful on us.

I have spent many years working on forgiveness. In some people’s eyes, I may even forgive a little too easily. I believe, though, that forgiving someone isn’t for them. It’s for me. When someone pisses me off and I spend time thinking of the mean things I’d like to say or do to them, I’m still ignoring the fact that two wrongs do not make a right. Spending my time with thoughts of revenge, however fun it may be now, is still not doing the right thing.

In other words, just because I didn’t do something to retaliate doesn’t mean that I didn’t spend energy on the thought of it.

A long time ago I came to the realization that some people want to live inside other people’s heads. They want to take up our time and energy and fuck with us even when they are not around by doing the types of things that fuck with someone. Little comments, for example, that are meant to get under your skin can linger for a long time and we’re left being irritated while the person who made the comment is off doing something else entirely while their crap takes up space in our heads.

Once an abusive/controlling/manipulative/narcissistic person figures out where your soft underbelly is, they will do their best to poke and prod it until they get what they want from you. I do my best not to play, so they get very little of my energy. If you want to fuck with me, fine. Lean into your fuckery, but you’re not going to get what you are hoping for from me.

I don’t give much play to emotional terrorists, if you will, if I can help it. I also choose not to dwell on their crap, too, so I’m not adding that second “wrong” to the equation. Wrong + Wrong = A pile of shit.

Wrong + nothing = shame on them.

I’m just riffing here, of course, and thank you for bearing with me. I welcome people into my life whenever I can. I like people. I like to give everyone a chance, for the most part, and some people have gotten way more than one. As I’ve written about here before, I have gotten better at weeding out the people who don’t really deserve that second or third or fiftieth chance.

Part of that, though, brings me back to that idea of forgiveness and what I give time and energy to each day. I don’t have enough time or energy to hold grudges any more. I just can’t do it. Doesn’t mean I like everybody or want to hang out and have a Pepsi with someone who was an asshole to me. It just means that if you are a dick, I don’t think about you unless I absolutely have to do so.

Words, thoughts, actions can all take their collective or individual tolls. At least on a Wednesday morning. Make your day count and use your energy to make your world better.

See you tomorrow.

fire.